I tend to be alone a lot in my life. Either physically or emotionally. When I moved here, I was 6. I was the little girl who wanted to be friends with anyone and everyone. But I never truly had a best friend. Growing up while my “friends” all had their first kiss, I hadn't even held a boys hand. They all thought I was weird. While they all wanted to grow up fast I was taking my time. At such a young age friends already turned their backs against me, driving me out, leaving me alone.
Guys did the same thing, “I love you” seriously your 13 you don’t love me, you like me.
Then of course the guy leaves the girl. You got it folks, what happens to you again? Your left by yourself alone. Yeah, you have “friends” who will talk with you to cheer you up, but “friends” can’t change the feeling of emptiness. For me the feeling of “emptiness” is like your body is numb. You know somethings hurting you, you just can’t feel it. Over time my body has become as I would say “permanently numb”. I’ve been cheated on so many times I can’t keep track anymore, jerk off guys who believe stupid rumors, guys who just want to get with you on the second date or the most painful when you’ve lost someone you honestly could say you loved.
Being alone for me seems normal, I know in reality it’s not, however for me that’s just where I end up. I’ve become accustomed to being alone. I run from my emotions, I don’t want to get hurt anymore, even though my body’s numb in the end I will still feel it or have a scar to taunt me I may not feel it, but it was there.
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